The End of a Bad Era

never, in my life, would I have imagined
life, as I knew it, would be so horribly damaged
so lonely and unloved though they pretended
to care, worry or other "signs" they extended
thought it was great, my ability to see falseness
gifts can be a curse when reality is no less
than a game of facades people choose to play
rather than allow goodness to be displayed
not in a false sense of saying "the right things"
but letting their actions display authenticity
I've always despised playing their game
it is a lie, I am honest, lies lead to shame
for us few having a conscience and integrity
soon, God willing, a crossing over for me
I have lost sight of everything that's worth seeing
the memories fade of my favorite human being
my only child, my reason for pushing forward
my strength to fight a ruthless villain and coward
I can't blame my boy for making this choice
no matter his motivation, he still has a voice
to turn a deaf ear, forcing him to stand beside me
undermines what God gave us to exercise individually
I have only one fear that is felt deep inside me
justifiably so since death has always been temporary
I pray this time will be different and God will let it be
I'm sure it sounds selfish to those who can't see
this gift from a mother who wants him to be happy
removing his conscience from any accountability
sacrificing my desires to be restored as a family
I have never claimed to be perfect, not in any way
I've been thankful for all God's given every single day
I shouted in frustration which I'm ashamed to say
with no signs being given to suggest hope was in reach
stress so overwhelming not a soul or religion can preach
what is right or wrong because they've nothing to teach
no clue to the desperate circumstances pushed upon me
the last six years of my life so brutal it's hard to conceive
uglier than 16 years of addiction, even the worst three
I'll always cherish my son and helping people Spiritually
no amount of money or doom can take them from me
I never wanted what has become my only hope for serenity
if there was any other possibility I'd take it instantly
so goodbye (God willing) I'm off to spread my wings
son, please forgive me and remember the good things

by Tamara Imes-Nicholas 2013

Hopelessly Optimistic

conservatives preach personal responsibility

it only applies to normal people like me

the multitude of the population's majority
but when it comes to government agencies
the eyes of justice are blind but I can see
their stupid mistakes they made admittedly
their administrative hearing laws flagrantly
conveniently exempt them from accountability
the scales of justice keep tilting unequally
the financial burden gets placed back on me
meanwhile the legal help I paid (reluctantly)
is nowhere to be found, he stole from me
just to add more pain to my fucking injury
the consumer protection agency didn't help me
injustices have been done to me repeatedly
as I await for both the FBI and FTC
to prosecute hacks who stole my identity
the assholes weren't satisfied with just my ID
they stole every bit of my intellectual property
to ruin me financially, physically and mentally
yet, here I am writing about every indignity
they shouldn't be counted amongst humanity
out of balance with who they're designed to be
still, I am optimistic though it's hard for me
positively hopeful, they can't steal my dreams
despite these pathetic dicks who scheme
I still come across some decent human beings
who aren't hiding from honesty or reality
not hypnotized by those who distort these things
just like me they want more opportunities
they watched a nightmare form from an American dream
I voted for Obama because he ran on the same theme
despite the cock blocks, he accomplished many things
but he is only one man amongst many cocks sucking
who don't care about issues that they've never seen
never thought I'd be one of the many in poverty
I made a ton of money but I gave it all away
never thinking my life would turn out this way
never thought I'd live long enough to say
I wish I had never allowed it to be okay
to put aside my game so an asshole could play
showing loyalty to chicken shits who walk away
to be clear I saw it coming from miles away
but I wanted to believe people weren't the way
they had always been my whole life, especially today
I try to make better choices every single day
insane as it is I'm still being made to pay
for mistakes I made long ago that I paid and repaid
Mr. President I have solutions that would help change
the issues you have taken on, I know you're not afraid
going against the cock blockers whose memories fade 

I have no doubt you are an honorable, intelligent man
please contact me if you want to hear my plan
please make me proud to say I'm an American
because I've had all I can take being an american't

© Tamara Imes-Nicholas 2013