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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Don’t Cry or Complain

I don’t expect you to understand
how this world is not a wonderland
the way pain, strife and injustice lurk
fucked up men made me berserk
the way I miss my boy
everything that robbed my joy
the hurtful things done to me
by everyone, including my family
it’s as if my life started off so great
that my punishment is to deteriorate
I made millions in my twenties
partied it all away, every penny
in my thirties I lived upper middle class
by forty-one I was laid out, flat on my ass
no more high plateaus to look out upon
a deep hole keeping me from
climbing out in order to start again
only foes, no more fake or real friends
not one mother fucker trying to pretend
they give a shit about my inevitable end
no more prayers to save me from myself
just a continual and persistent living hell
little does any friend or foe happen to know
I have been to hell and scared the devil so
it’s never too late for me to be a hero
saving myself and my son from the egos
of all the haters who tried to destroy us
my gloves are off so I can show what I must
to anyone who thought they were more dangerous
go ahead fucktard, scream at me and cuss
because you cannot get the best of us
I’ve fought my entire life so bring it
just don’t cry or complain when you eat shit


©June 24, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Monday, June 15, 2015

Back to School

what the..
why do ya?
fuck it, never mind
you’re so blind
can’t see that it’s not my
way, this way isn’t right
living in fight or flight
it happened despite
all I did to change it
my life is shit
just wanna quit
and why shouldn’t I?
can’t think of one reason why
because my reason is gone
like everyone I ever counted on
without a goodbye
wish I could die
but, suicide, like everything
else that meant anything
I couldn’t get it right
a failure at life I might
as well be gone
I keep asking God if I’m done
out of places to run
life hasn’t been fun
for a very long time
I’m not welcome at the grind
I can’t seem to find
a job, like a leprechaun
it’s a fairy tale
don’t ask and I won’t tell
you how shitty life has become
now, go on and run
back to your perfect life
after you stick your dull knife
into my back as I lean in for a hug
as you sit back and judge with a shrug
of your shoulders and a damning look
on your face – I’m the baby that you shook
then, afterward, you had the nerve
to ask what’s the matter with me like I deserve
the ass-kicking life’s given me
still, every day I get on my knees
and thank God for giving me
my son who’s the best thing
yes, he is a blessing
don’t keep testing me
my cross is way too heavy
for me to carry – it’s a levy
stick with what you know
should I go back to selling blow?
jack myself up on heroin
is that the reason I’m in
debt to this life and cannot die?
is it because I used to defy
the laws and rules of society
is that the person you want me to be
it seems as if that’s the way
you want me to live and play
ever since I found sobriety
the world’s been kicking the shit out of me
there’s no sign, for certain, it will stop
I blew it like a huge belly-flop
I jumped off the highest board
as I fell I felt so ignored
nobody wants to see me be successful
they are much more amused with pitiful
I’ve had enough of this shit, so painful
so put your glasses on, I’m making a spectacle
crank the music up and get an earful
while I yell and whale this rhyme be thankful
I don’t turn my rage on all of you
who don’t give a fuck about me, it’s true
I was your entertainment the whole time
but I never made a fucking dime
while exposing everything without knowing
that your television sets were showing
my meltdown publically displaying
the pain that was caused me, I’m praying
for a sliver of justice to be brought to me
for every fucking thing you took, we’ll see
if the laws of the universe
are just or just perverse
is there anyone else that you hate worse
than me? keep reading my curse
to you who have no love inside
there’s nowhere you can hide
my words will find every one of you
don’t act innocent, you fuck, you knew
exactly what you were doing when you did it
you can all eat a giant bag of shit
while you suck the devil’s dick
you are a worthless bunch of pricks
I’m sorry and I forgive you – every one
not for you, for me, the damage is done
I release you and myself from the rest
of whatever was to come and hope the best
of what this life has to offer anyone
just know that I was the one
who took the beating of a life time
and, still, turned out just fine
I’m done with this dance
there’ll be no more chances
so take a bow for your part you played
while I cash the check that’s made
payable to cash by you
and the rest of the cast that blew
someone else more important than you
I just assumed that you knew
you were replaced by a bigger tool
you’re being sent back to school
to learn how to play with others better
now I can watch you try to hold it together
you can entertain me now you fool
as you get taken back to school

©June 15, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas