Back to School

what the..

why do ya?

fuck it, never mind

you’re so blind

can’t see that it’s not my

way, this way isn’t right

living in fight or flight

it happened despite

all I did to change it

my life is shit

just wanna quit

and why shouldn’t I?

can’t think of one reason why

because my reason is gone

like everyone I ever counted on

without a goodbye

wish I could die

but, suicide, like everything

else that meant anything

I couldn’t get it right

a failure at life I might

as well be gone

I keep asking God if I’m done

out of places to run

life hasn’t been fun

for a very long time

I’m not welcome at the grind

I can’t seem to find

a job, like a leprechaun

it’s a fairy tale

don’t ask and I won’t tell

you how shitty life has become

now, go on and run

back to your perfect life

after you stick your dull knife

into my back as I lean in for a hug

as you sit back and judge with a shrug

of your shoulders and a damning look

on your face – I’m the baby that you shook

then, afterward, you had the nerve

to ask what’s the matter with me like I deserve

the ass-kicking life’s given me

still, every day I get on my knees

and thank God for giving me

my son who’s the best thing

yes, he is a blessing

don’t keep testing me

my cross is way too heavy

for me to carry – it’s a levy

stick with what you know

should I go back to selling blow?

jack myself up on heroin

is that the reason I’m in

debt to this life and cannot die?

is it because I used to defy

the laws and rules of society

is that the person you want me to be

it seems as if that’s the way

you want me to live and play

ever since I found sobriety

the world’s been kicking the shit out of me

there’s no sign, for certain, it will stop

I blew it like a huge belly-flop

I jumped off the highest board

as I fell I felt so ignored

nobody wants to see me be successful

they are much more amused with pitiful

I’ve had enough of this shit, so painful

so put your glasses on, I’m making a spectacle

crank the music up and get an earful

while I yell and whale this rhyme be thankful

I don’t turn my rage on all of you

who don’t give a fuck about me, it’s true

I was your entertainment the whole time

but I never made a fucking dime

while exposing everything without knowing

that your television sets were showing

my meltdown publically displaying

the pain that was caused me, I’m praying

for a sliver of justice to be brought to me

for every fucking thing you took, we’ll see

if the laws of the universe

are just or just perverse

is there anyone else that you hate worse

than me? keep reading my curse

to you who have no love inside

there’s nowhere you can hide

my words will find every one of you

don’t act innocent, you fuck, you knew

exactly what you were doing when you did it

you can all eat a giant bag of shit

while you suck the devil’s dick

you are a worthless bunch of pricks

I’m sorry and I forgive you – every one

not for you, for me, the damage is done

I release you and myself from the rest

of whatever was to come and hope the best

of what this life has to offer anyone

just know that I was the one

who took the beating of a life time

and, still, turned out just fine

I’m done with this dance

there’ll be no more chances

so take a bow for your part you played

while I cash the check that’s made

payable to cash by you

and the rest of the cast that blew

someone else more important than you

I just assumed that you knew

you were replaced by a bigger tool

you’re being sent back to school

to learn how to play with others better

now I can watch you try to hold it together

you can entertain me now you fool

as you get taken back to school

©June 15, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas