not a bit
of empathy being shown to me
stop staring
I don’t want your pity
all I want
is to be given some courtesy
so painfully
obvious is the apathy
left behind
and rejected by society
can’t,
even, get concern from my family
seems
everyone preferred me when criminally
behaving
with no ties to bitter reality
probably
because I didn’t need or ask for any
help to
simply exist in circumstances miserably
was I a
serial killer-rapist in my last life, seriously?
nothing makes
sense when I think about it logically
my life’s
been on a decline since I found sobriety
causing me
to question all I ever knew spiritually
hopelessness
taking over everything inside me
heart’s
been broken so much that it’s empty
this isn’t
the way I was born nor how I want to be
had an
abundance of love, compassion, and generosity
that was
then and this is now; it’s all “used to be”
I’d
rather be dead than continue on living this way
can’t
believe in a merciless God so I don’t pray
with any
luck today will be my very last day
©February
1, 2018 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas
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