The End of a Bad Era

never, in my life, would I have imagined
life, as I knew it, would be so horribly damaged
so lonely and unloved though they pretended
to care, worry or other "signs" they extended
thought it was great, my ability to see falseness
gifts can be a curse when reality is no less
than a game of facades people choose to play
rather than allow goodness to be displayed
not in a false sense of saying "the right things"
but letting their actions display authenticity
I've always despised playing their game
it is a lie, I am honest, lies lead to shame
for us few having a conscience and integrity
soon, God willing, a crossing over for me
I have lost sight of everything that's worth seeing
the memories fade of my favorite human being
my only child, my reason for pushing forward
my strength to fight a ruthless villain and coward
I can't blame my boy for making this choice
no matter his motivation, he still has a voice
to turn a deaf ear, forcing him to stand beside me
undermines what God gave us to exercise individually
I have only one fear that is felt deep inside me
justifiably so since death has always been temporary
I pray this time will be different and God will let it be
I'm sure it sounds selfish to those who can't see
this gift from a mother who wants him to be happy
removing his conscience from any accountability
sacrificing my desires to be restored as a family
I have never claimed to be perfect, not in any way
I've been thankful for all God's given every single day
I shouted in frustration which I'm ashamed to say
with no signs being given to suggest hope was in reach
stress so overwhelming not a soul or religion can preach
what is right or wrong because they've nothing to teach
no clue to the desperate circumstances pushed upon me
the last six years of my life so brutal it's hard to conceive
uglier than 16 years of addiction, even the worst three
I'll always cherish my son and helping people Spiritually
no amount of money or doom can take them from me
I never wanted what has become my only hope for serenity
if there was any other possibility I'd take it instantly
so goodbye (God willing) I'm off to spread my wings
son, please forgive me and remember the good things

by Tamara Imes-Nicholas 2013

Hopelessly Optimistic

conservatives preach personal responsibility

it only applies to normal people like me

the multitude of the population's majority
but when it comes to government agencies
the eyes of justice are blind but I can see
their stupid mistakes they made admittedly
their administrative hearing laws flagrantly
conveniently exempt them from accountability
the scales of justice keep tilting unequally
the financial burden gets placed back on me
meanwhile the legal help I paid (reluctantly)
is nowhere to be found, he stole from me
just to add more pain to my fucking injury
the consumer protection agency didn't help me
injustices have been done to me repeatedly
as I await for both the FBI and FTC
to prosecute hacks who stole my identity
the assholes weren't satisfied with just my ID
they stole every bit of my intellectual property
to ruin me financially, physically and mentally
yet, here I am writing about every indignity
they shouldn't be counted amongst humanity
out of balance with who they're designed to be
still, I am optimistic though it's hard for me
positively hopeful, they can't steal my dreams
despite these pathetic dicks who scheme
I still come across some decent human beings
who aren't hiding from honesty or reality
not hypnotized by those who distort these things
just like me they want more opportunities
they watched a nightmare form from an American dream
I voted for Obama because he ran on the same theme
despite the cock blocks, he accomplished many things
but he is only one man amongst many cocks sucking
who don't care about issues that they've never seen
never thought I'd be one of the many in poverty
I made a ton of money but I gave it all away
never thinking my life would turn out this way
never thought I'd live long enough to say
I wish I had never allowed it to be okay
to put aside my game so an asshole could play
showing loyalty to chicken shits who walk away
to be clear I saw it coming from miles away
but I wanted to believe people weren't the way
they had always been my whole life, especially today
I try to make better choices every single day
insane as it is I'm still being made to pay
for mistakes I made long ago that I paid and repaid
Mr. President I have solutions that would help change
the issues you have taken on, I know you're not afraid
going against the cock blockers whose memories fade 

I have no doubt you are an honorable, intelligent man
please contact me if you want to hear my plan
please make me proud to say I'm an American
because I've had all I can take being an american't

© Tamara Imes-Nicholas 2013

Declaration of Independent Thought

this is the Declaration of My Independent Thought Process
an open mind to heal the blind who can't see the mess
a paranoid ignorance of our nation's constitution 

causing idiots in utah to threaten a revolution

these rednecks think separation is a solution
maybe their brain cells have died from the air pollution
there isn't any separation of church in this state

just a bunch of republican hypocrites filled with hate
press rewind because utah is a decade behind time
immediately when you cross over the state line 

you'll need your GPS because sanity's so hard to find
I'm one of the few (regretfully here) with an open mind 

to say these people wear blinders is way, way, too kind
how can I begin discourse for a rational debate
with people who only have sex in order to procreate
I recall many years when the teen pregnancy rate 

was so many miles higher than any other state
the Civil Rights Movement helped initiate
black men to hold "priesthood" as Latter Day Saints
the ACLU sued the church for their beliefs about race
that was a triumph to show the fact utah is a racist state
rednecks with "rebel flags" the mormons don't hesitate
to rationalize our state's paranoia as it relates
to better gun control laws if they ever get applied
the police officers in utah believe Obama's sending the FBI
closet racists in a state where conservatives lead the blind
ignorant of federal law superseding the state's or how it's applied
delusional, irrational, motives pervert their narrow minds
wasting time to pass a bill the governor claims he'll never sign
enter the land that abhors facts and liberals supporting equal rights
impossible to level the playing field in a game white men designed
watch the intellectual decline in a state that's lost its mind
Brigham Young said, "This is the place," the place that's so unkind

I could go on forever trying to show the truth to the blind

I'd rather figure out a way to leave this punitive state behind

in search for prosperity, equality and other open minds

Written and edited by Tamara Nicholas (Tamara Imes-Nicholas) 2013

Ignorant Rhetoric

ignorance overpopulates
tunnel vision overtakes
civil rights and liberties
from everyone except the elite
bull shit rhetoric propagates
their agenda to instigate
fear amongst the masses
wiping out the middle classes
preaching "less government"
swallowed entirely by the ignorant
followed up by "no more taxes"
but I don't use rose colored glasses
I see liars talking out their asses
tea-bagger congress shows crassness
blocking bills the people hope passes
don't take offense, I'm only being helpful
as I remove your rose colored spectacles
pay attention to what I tell you
unlike "them" I will tell the truth
their definition of "less government"
is nothing like any of you interpret
what follows is the actual definition
more accurately it's "no regulations"
but only for their corporations
the ones that destroyed our nation
none too big to have their hands out
asking our government for a bail out
first were Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae
they foreclosed on home loans anyway
unemployment rises because of greed
corporations sending jobs over seas
obese defense could miss some meals
sorry grandma, no "meals on wheels"
now to define "no more taxes"
for those still wearing their glasses
survival of the fittest or the richest?
they remove programs designed to invest
in a chance for everyone's success
if the top five percent awoke like the rest
no job, no help and completely hopeless
then we would truly see who's the fittest
they'd feel the pain of having to say
"sorry, child, I can't give you a birthday"
if we had the programs that were taken away
we'd experience more pleasure than pain

©May 2013 - Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Human Stupidity

like the courageous and Spiritual Martin Luther King
another Spiritual, human rights activist (I, too) had a dream
I don't want my dream to be misinterpreted metaphorically
my dream was one of many that came true like a prophecy
like every one of my gifts, at first, they came sporadically
then, as I matured, they started happening regularly
but back to the dream I mentioned in the opening
this one was different because it had a global meaning
I could see an endless crowd of people outside screaming
while being driven by a black, male friend who's color had meaning
our car's within an intersection while my friend's driving in a circle
circling the center of the four corners; mobs come from every angle
illusive as chaos, the angry mobs are rioting and starting fights
at first, the rioting appeared to be about blacks against whites
my friend, who was driving, held the wheel fixed to the left
mobs of people grew larger, it looked like a fight to the death
despite how it all appeared the truth began to untangle
this dream was prophetic, it was a message from an angel
the people fighting were rioting and doing so in unison
the injustice they protested was a new form of segregation
not based upon race, religion nor sexual orientation
the issue was greed which caused enormous separation
ninety-five percent of the wealth for five percent of the population
an atrocious reality created by the wealthy who oppose regulation
do the math my brothers and sisters, we outnumber the elite
if they believe in the "survival of the fittest" philosophy they preach
and politicians they support won't change how gun laws are enforced
we should go to a gun show and redistribute the wealth by force
I hope nobody who reads this takes it seriously enough to act
I'm simply trying to help those who have been blind to the facts
as for my dream, when I awoke, I had a hopeless feeling
that change is impossible when dealing with human beings

by Tamara Imes-Nicholas 2013

 

Rigorous Honesty

hey you, yeah you, fool
I cordially invite you
(and the whole world too)
somebody I thought I knew
to come totally clean about everything
not just about the cheating
I'm talking about all your schemes
I don't give a shit what people think
you always have because you're weak
it doesn't bother me saying it hurt me
finding out you had no love, heart's tiny
I know I sound petty to a heartless, fucking man
all I ever wanted was to, truly, understand
how anyone could be so evil
living so callously deceitful
telling our friends and family I was crazy
trying to turn my own son and parents against me
I know you're unable to cut the bull shit
patholigically speaking you can't do it
let's keep me out of this a moment
sobriety? really? you claim to know it
you say "AA" is how you found your way
seriously, define "rigorous honesty" okay
see, your "tells" always give you away
you worked at a rehab but hated "therapy"
that was the first "tell" you showed me
just one more item, so you can see
how obvious your lies were to me
Spiritually speaking, do you truly believe
your Higher Power is too stupid to see
that you are lying when saying, "sorry?"
if you believe you're fooling anybody
it is only you you're fooling honey
how many times did I hear you say
"apoligies mean nothing if you don't change"
so Nick, Tom or hypocrite - whatever your name
does your sponsor know you're a liar too
in the same way God and myself do?
has he added one and one to get two?
does he know that Bill W. was writing of you?
when he said, "AA would save anyone except a few
for those incapable of rigorous honesty"
because a liar isn't capable of an apology
yes, that one word brings us back to me
I never gave you such a hateful apology
why did I expect more than you yelling it at me?
maybe I should be the one apologizing
to myself, my son and God for sacrificing
everything I had achieved by "rigorous honesty"
my dreams, goals and self esteem
I earned with my sobriety
I handed over to you helping you to destroy
not just me, all women, because as a boy
your mom didn't protect you
any therapist would see as I do
you don't know how to be truthful
because to do so would be hurtful
you convinced yourself it was justifiable
moreover it became inexcusable
a mom standing between a dad's abuse
to you, there was no excuse
you stuffed away your feelings and truth
I saw and knew everything before saying, "I do"
what does that say about who I became?
don't worry honey, life's just a game
I have no choice, I was born to win
it only took dying eight times this incarnation
I'll be just fine in no time because I shine
I'm a star-born, I told you to come fly
you chose your fate while I made mine
how many times will you read this rhyme
before it sinks in to your fucked up mind?
no, don't tell me, you'll just be lying

by Tamara Imes-Nicholas 2013

Fucktard Harvest

I was going to help you all, just, a minute ago
but you, being a fucktard, didn't want to be told
so keep going like you know all there is to know
I already told you about ignorance you continue to show
its relativity to death like a tag for every toe
go ahead and plant more seeds than the world will ever need
your supply out-weighs any demand because of all your greed
when you are stuck, overstocked with a perishable crop
you, intentionally, over-planted hoping it would all be bought
I hope you enjoy the sickening smell when your harvest suddenly rots

by Tamara Imes-Nicholas 2013

Fucktard-Deadly Predictable

strangely, for me, it isn't even strange

how my callback number was magically changed

the timing in which this miraculous event came

coincidental as ever when attempting to explain

to you fucktards how I had deliberately arranged

my number to spell 800-FUCK-YOU, no need to explain

so I was nice enough to take time from my very, busy day

to help the fucktarded who are all innately deranged

without me using any hands, everyone was amazed

how I helped all you fucktards untangle your brains

excuse my poetics, if you really want to complain

place your lips upon my ass to provide you a restraint

everyone here knows I don't leave idiots (like you) to hang

watch and learn how a pro plays a lawless fucking game

using your own momentum I suck out what should be your brain

you must know basic business, as if you know a damn thing

I've shit and wiped away millions faster than you can complain

I created then destroyed this game you insist upon playing

but, unlike you fucktards, I have a higher functioning brain

I know you don't believe what I keep saying and re-saying

I have deliberately not, truly, reacted until I can't contain

please don't force it out of me; it will only cause you severe pain

just because you're a liar doesn't mean I'm the same

trust me when I tell you, if you don't stop fucktardedly playing

the inevitable outcome will crush your arrogance with shame

if you think I can't do it, ask around, because they’ll all say the same

be very careful why and how you conjure your next mistake

unlike you fucktards my Forces are definitely not fake

©February 2013 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas