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Saturday, October 4, 2014

A Poem about Serious Disorder

I know you were going for a “serious dis”
but got “serious disorder,” a whirlwind of piss
that’s the problem with having an agenda
to destroy both the alpha and omega
which is, always, in opposition of the former
having made more performers than the latter
you must be more careful performing on a ladder
too often the ladder falls on top of you, banging
your face, leaving all your secrets dangling
because one of “the many” you were banging
bailed on you, leaving you (physically) hanging
now you want to hang someone else out to dry
do you (even) have a legitimate reason why
you’ve chosen this, particular, someone else?
did your delusional stupor leave you with welts
I told you to be careful when you’re on a ladder
in the former use of ladder not in the latter
what’s that? no, nothing’s the matter
with me, but those who lost their heart seem madder
and, if you really want the truth, they don’t matter
they’re all too scared of the Mad Hatter
only the mad one knows why she's mad at her
but this story gets so, so much sadder
even simpletons know the injustice done to her
because Mad’s always hated her since she never
thanked Mad for the dunce hats Mad gave her
she said she wouldn’t wear any of them - ever
so Mad wore the biggest one and once more
got all in her face, after she opened the door
“you cause too much fucking chatter
between those who fawn over me thinking I matter
like the hats I took out of your trash bin
what a terrible place for my dunce hats to be in
it’s as if you really, truly hated all of them
I can, finally, see that you’re not, even,
vaguely close to a person that I want in my spot
your ugliness inside erupts, and “he” thinks you’re hot
bitch, you never heard a word of the chit-chatter
my circumcised clique-tourists tried to splatter
your two, fly-by friends were forced under a ladder
noticing my evil twin walk in to fucking watch
the “cover-up” was ugly like the merkin on my crotch"
I asked my twin, “what time is it?” she said, "go buy a watch
then take it off and toss it, way up high, inside the loft
where she lays, every day, praying our hearts get soft
go on, get mad at me, thinking Ms. Madd had her"
just because Mad removed her hat to dance with her
made it look like she had more romance with her  
nobody thought that she had any friends
she never talked about them in the end
she had as many as her drug money could buy
so it was predictable that they would all start to die
still, when the news came back to her who is me
as if to make the Mad Hatter see
because I lost another friend, yet again
I knew, at that moment, right there and then
I was going to be alone forever,
always a suicidal failure who never
died and stayed dead
even the brain inside my head
came back, again and again, even when
it went forty-five minutes without oxygen
which should have made a larger dent
most people would have required a vent
in order to keep themselves alive
science says a human brain starts to, rapidly, die
after seven to ten minutes the neurons get fried
pronounced "dead” so many times, why have I survived?
it doesn’t matter, the Hatter's evil twin has gone mad
demanding to have my head for showing how, truly, bad
the clique-tourists have treated me as if I circumcised
the ugliness and disfigurement her merkin tries to hide
just go away – all of you – find another voice to quiet
I’m dead set to conquer failure, it’s best done in private

©October 3, 2014 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas





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