If only the Lonely would get to know Me

if only in memory I can come to admire and adore

the people I met who taught me so much more

about rules I would continue to break “just because”

and how things like fruit and flowers even had laws

of course everything I learned came at a cost

mostly entertainment value for them as I lost

everything, I couldn’t even save face back then

I was, just, some punch line for every one of them

but I did learn a lot and even started to grow

eager to hear the tiniest hint of approval as though

they were the masters of my newly acquired hobby

more often than not all I heard sounded snobby

as if they knew everything, well maybe they did

but they didn’t know me or how I learned as a kid

that seeking approval only leads to resentment

I stopped trying to be liked finding excitement

with doing things my way, fuck them all anyway

most of them hated me, but some started to say

less about me personally, more about my poetry

I earned respect from a few which meant more to me

than all the cheap shots from the snide majority

Gypsy was my sensei along with Oliva my best frenemy

CdP, Delph and Steve were always pretty nice to me

I’ll never forget the writing challenge with JBond

the best rap I ever wrote, but he could only respond

by showing me his dick, which (unlike him) left me dangling

I was told I won, but if that was supposed to be motivating

I missed the class about how motivation felt

all I wanted was acceptance, all I got was guilt

**ah shit, here we go once again

with “someone” breaking in

so pardon me while I get rid of him**

you fucking piece of shit you really need to stop

I’m holding many gats, I don’t need a fucking cop

remember, and don’t forget, I know where you live

as well as all of “them”(the fucktards that you hid)

I’m nowhere near the same person I was before

me and my criminally inclined boy left for Ecuador

no-nee-no-no-no you wannabe, dope dealer

I’m on a whole shit-ton of killer pain killers

and you never really had an opportunity to see

how I, actually, get and who becomes the “real me”

when the opioid, benzo, muscle relaxing, Adderall

“cocktail” party makes me the “Belle, baller at the ball”

a, truly, sad sight to behold since I can no longer breathe

anyone who HAS seen me jacked knows it’s best to leave

so keep on keeping on you fucktarded piece of meat

you and I officially proved, “you are what you eat”

because you’re a giant pussy and I’m a big, fat dick

which of us has the handicap when shit starts getting thick?

like Jesus – I’m beginning to speak in parables

for a world of people who are so damn pitiful

people like you who like to screw people like me over

I carried that cross for fucking years AND I did it sober

so I’ve made a decision about taking drugs for pain

I’ll take as many as it takes to stop the function in my brain

stop receiving the signals telling me to hate life once again

God showed me I’m not meant to die so I never refrain

I’m not fucked up like you, I feel nothing for or about you

nor about who you may or may not decide to screw

I have no care for your whereabouts or anything like that

the only reason for any curiosity I, previously, had

was to see if you had finally gotten past

the feeling that I owed you until I took my last

breath or whatever bull shit caused you to

fuck with me daily because I never owed you

anything, we were pretty even if score was being kept

(not by you, either, idiot – God is who I meant)

had we kept track, honestly, you’d see you owe me big

it’s likely your unable to see I want nothing from a pig

I know you’re not able to understand what I was feeling

but, you’ll know soon enough about how I was dealing

I cannot die to save my life so I know I can’t go near

my suicidal thoughts so, whatever happens, I’ll be here

at least until my son is fully grown, able to make it on his own

only then, if I can’t keep going, I’ll be as good as gone

do you feel better now you gigantic, narcissistic bitch?

I wasn’t lying when I told you, I don’t give a fucking shit

it’s impossible for things to mean a thing to the new, old me

I have enough “chemicals” to run my fun fact-story  

© November 18, 2014 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Without a Missing Link

seriously, how can anyone be serious about

the hypocrisy that spews out of their mouths

do they, even, listen to what they say and

compare it to what they said on other days?

life is seriously dysfunctional on every level

within every home, every business, every

government and religion which has been

brought forth since the dawn of mankind

“mankind,” now that’s a seriously fucked up

word as it is a joining of two words that are

a contradiction to one another because

man, meaning “humans” are not all kind

so why put the two words together to describe

humanity which is a word that has two opposing

definitions separately as one means all humans

as a race and the other meaning benevolence

or showing compassion to other human beings

so what is it that I came to say today that I haven’t

said before, over and over, repeating the same

message in a vast array of ways and wording?

that is just it, the fact that no matter how many

people are out there telling other people to

look around and really see what is happening

around them, to them or the people they love

then ask the question, “what can I do today

to make things better for every human being?”

but don’t stop with asking the question, follow

up with the answer that’s given to you to make

an impact upon the reality that is best described

to be brutality upon the majority of all humanity

remember that word? “humanity” remember

it and mankind and the conflict of opposing

definitions lurking right inside the very word

that you’re saying and don’t use them unless

you use them with the emotion and intent

to make the words truly be true and not in

direct violation of all that is truth because words

are powerful, words are our wands and we

(yes, all of us) use our words carelessly and

create a lot of destruction just by opening up

our mouths and speaking on a daily basis

keep your emotions and your words in check

because I know first hand how much mindless

calamities I’ve created using my wand recklessly

that is another point I’ve made on more than one

occasion when writing things just like this that you

are reading (probably thinking) “this bitch is crazy,

I am just a human being, my words couldn’t possibly

do anything more than make sound or print for

others to hear or read in order to understand my

thoughts” thoughts, yes, thoughts are another

way our words are wands people wake up

do you know how much I have done with the act

of thinking something, literally, watching (in real time)

whatever I thought come into reality and having

a direct affect upon someone or an entire group

of ones that are equal to the sum of hundreds?

I know, sounds crazy, like a grandiose sense of self

but I can assure you that what I am saying isn’t

exclusive to myself, that is why I am saying it to

all of you who are reading this right now because

the mind is a powerful thing that science can’t

begin to comprehend in the entirety of all that the

mind can be in terms of creating or bringing into

reality from thought or speech into the physical

form of whatever was thought or spoken by anyone

don’t let things that are said to you or about you

affect you at all unless whatever is said about you

is in perfect alignment with what you want in your

personal reality because “haters” do exist and I think

we can all agree upon that fact as we see it every

day in this world filled with many brains thinking up

thoughts and words to say about other people in

a very negative way that brings so much low-level

vibrations into the world which is why it is so damn

easy to manifest something ugly compared to what

is beautiful and positive for ourselves and everyone

around the world as we are all connected through

consciousness, but since we are separate in physical

form many around the world do not believe because

they cannot conceive something so big and abstract

though, with the new generation that’s growing up

as we speak, those who were created by those of us

in my generation, are coming into the world and

growing up entirely “awake” which is something

I am very glad to see because it is the necessary

evolutionary action required to enact positive change

so long as every generation of the industrial age

before this new, younger generation didn’t succeed

in irreversibly destroying the very planet we live upon

I believe and am truly filled with hope for all of them

they will have been the first of this race to be the

next step in the human race’s evolution and there

isn’t a missing link as (I believe) my generation has

been the link that led to these new-comers to arrive

and remain fully connected and in tune with all that

I have spoken about in, only, a minute portion within

this very long selection of words that are now “out there”

hopefully aligning with all who need to have the

necessary “jump start” allowing them to “awaken”

into the “awareness” of thought and all the possibilities

that can manifest with the very organ that has led

to this race of humans to live the definition of insanity

by repeating the same, horrific acts over and over

with the only thing improving being the ways in which

it is possible to kill each other which you do not see

in other, less intelligent, mammals upon this rock

which we are blessed to have been given to live

©October 16, 2014 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

I think this song by my "inspiration" and "male, psychic twin" (Eminem) is a good example of words and emotions combining to make literal magic (manifestation)

into this "physical" world. Notice how he causes all the negative that he spits throughout

the song to become "null and void" at the end with the simple statement that "he's just playing..." That shows mindfulness of the power of emotional thoughts and words that are of a negative origin which could (literally) cause damage to someone, or many "ones" so long as the "null/void" statement was made with an even more intense emotion to back up what is spoken.

A Poem about Serious Disorder

I know you were going for a “serious dis”

but got “serious disorder,” a whirlwind of piss

that’s the problem with having an agenda

to destroy both the alpha and omega

which is, always, in opposition of the former

having made more performers than the latter

you must be more careful performing on a ladder

too often the ladder falls on top of you, banging

your face, leaving all your secrets dangling

because one of “the many” you were banging

bailed on you, leaving you (physically) hanging

now you want to hang someone else out to dry

do you (even) have a legitimate reason why

you’ve chosen this, particular, someone else?

did your delusional stupor leave you with welts

I told you to be careful when you’re on a ladder

in the former use of ladder not in the latter

what’s that? no, nothing’s the matter

with me, but those who lost their heart seem madder

and, if you really want the truth, they don’t matter

they’re all too scared of the Mad Hatter

only the mad one knows why she's mad at her

but this story gets so, so much sadder

even simpletons know the injustice done to her

because Mad’s always hated her since she never

thanked Mad for the dunce hats Mad gave her

she said she wouldn’t wear any of them - ever

so Mad wore the biggest one and once more

got all in her face, after she opened the door

“you cause too much fucking chatter

between those who fawn over me thinking I matter

like the hats I took out of your trash bin

what a terrible place for my dunce hats to be in

it’s as if you really, truly hated all of them

I can, finally, see that you’re not, even,

vaguely close to a person that I want in my spot

your ugliness inside erupts, and “he” thinks you’re hot

bitch, you never heard a word of the chit-chatter

my circumcised clique-tourists tried to splatter

your two, fly-by friends were forced under a ladder

noticing my evil twin walk in to fucking watch

the “cover-up” was ugly like the merkin on my crotch"

I asked my twin, “what time is it?” she said, "go buy a watch

then take it off and toss it, way up high, inside the loft

where she lays, every day, praying our hearts get soft

go on, get mad at me, thinking Ms. Madd had her"

just because Mad removed her hat to dance with her

made it look like she had more romance with her  

nobody thought that she had any friends

she never talked about them in the end

she had as many as her drug money could buy

so it was predictable that they would all start to die

still, when the news came back to her who is me

as if to make the Mad Hatter see

because I lost another friend, yet again

I knew, at that moment, right there and then

I was going to be alone forever,

always a suicidal failure who never

died and stayed dead

even the brain inside my head

came back, again and again, even when

it went forty-five minutes without oxygen

which should have made a larger dent

most people would have required a vent

in order to keep themselves alive

science says a human brain starts to, rapidly, die

after seven to ten minutes the neurons get fried

pronounced "dead” so many times, why have I survived?

it doesn’t matter, the Hatter's evil twin has gone mad

demanding to have my head for showing how, truly, bad

the clique-tourists have treated me as if I circumcised

the ugliness and disfigurement her merkin tries to hide

just go away – all of you – find another voice to quiet

I’m dead set to conquer failure, it’s best done in private

©October 3, 2014 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas