Don’t Cry or Complain

I don’t expect you to understand

how this world is not a wonderland

the way pain, strife and injustice lurk

fucked up men made me berserk

the way I miss my boy

everything that robbed my joy

the hurtful things done to me

by everyone, including my family

it’s as if my life started off so great

that my punishment is to deteriorate

I made millions in my twenties

partied it all away, every penny

in my thirties I lived upper middle class

by forty-one I was laid out, flat on my ass

no more high plateaus to look out upon

a deep hole keeping me from

climbing out in order to start again

only foes, no more fake or real friends

not one mother fucker trying to pretend

they give a shit about my inevitable end

no more prayers to save me from myself

just a continual and persistent living hell

little does any friend or foe happen to know

I have been to hell and scared the devil so

it’s never too late for me to be a hero

saving myself and my son from the egos

of all the haters who tried to destroy us

my gloves are off so I can show what I must

to anyone who thought they were more dangerous

go ahead fucktard, scream at me and cuss

because you cannot get the best of us

I’ve fought my entire life so bring it

just don’t cry or complain when you eat shit

©June 24, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Back to School

what the..

why do ya?

fuck it, never mind

you’re so blind

can’t see that it’s not my

way, this way isn’t right

living in fight or flight

it happened despite

all I did to change it

my life is shit

just wanna quit

and why shouldn’t I?

can’t think of one reason why

because my reason is gone

like everyone I ever counted on

without a goodbye

wish I could die

but, suicide, like everything

else that meant anything

I couldn’t get it right

a failure at life I might

as well be gone

I keep asking God if I’m done

out of places to run

life hasn’t been fun

for a very long time

I’m not welcome at the grind

I can’t seem to find

a job, like a leprechaun

it’s a fairy tale

don’t ask and I won’t tell

you how shitty life has become

now, go on and run

back to your perfect life

after you stick your dull knife

into my back as I lean in for a hug

as you sit back and judge with a shrug

of your shoulders and a damning look

on your face – I’m the baby that you shook

then, afterward, you had the nerve

to ask what’s the matter with me like I deserve

the ass-kicking life’s given me

still, every day I get on my knees

and thank God for giving me

my son who’s the best thing

yes, he is a blessing

don’t keep testing me

my cross is way too heavy

for me to carry – it’s a levy

stick with what you know

should I go back to selling blow?

jack myself up on heroin

is that the reason I’m in

debt to this life and cannot die?

is it because I used to defy

the laws and rules of society

is that the person you want me to be

it seems as if that’s the way

you want me to live and play

ever since I found sobriety

the world’s been kicking the shit out of me

there’s no sign, for certain, it will stop

I blew it like a huge belly-flop

I jumped off the highest board

as I fell I felt so ignored

nobody wants to see me be successful

they are much more amused with pitiful

I’ve had enough of this shit, so painful

so put your glasses on, I’m making a spectacle

crank the music up and get an earful

while I yell and whale this rhyme be thankful

I don’t turn my rage on all of you

who don’t give a fuck about me, it’s true

I was your entertainment the whole time

but I never made a fucking dime

while exposing everything without knowing

that your television sets were showing

my meltdown publically displaying

the pain that was caused me, I’m praying

for a sliver of justice to be brought to me

for every fucking thing you took, we’ll see

if the laws of the universe

are just or just perverse

is there anyone else that you hate worse

than me? keep reading my curse

to you who have no love inside

there’s nowhere you can hide

my words will find every one of you

don’t act innocent, you fuck, you knew

exactly what you were doing when you did it

you can all eat a giant bag of shit

while you suck the devil’s dick

you are a worthless bunch of pricks

I’m sorry and I forgive you – every one

not for you, for me, the damage is done

I release you and myself from the rest

of whatever was to come and hope the best

of what this life has to offer anyone

just know that I was the one

who took the beating of a life time

and, still, turned out just fine

I’m done with this dance

there’ll be no more chances

so take a bow for your part you played

while I cash the check that’s made

payable to cash by you

and the rest of the cast that blew

someone else more important than you

I just assumed that you knew

you were replaced by a bigger tool

you’re being sent back to school

to learn how to play with others better

now I can watch you try to hold it together

you can entertain me now you fool

as you get taken back to school

©June 15, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Independently Paved Path to Happiness

struggling to push through the enormous pain

residing within every part of my damaged brain

trying to pull happy memories out of the clutter

so I don’t think about falling back into the gutter

similar to the crane used to grab stuffed animals

inside a glass box causing each player to scramble

dumping their whole paycheck into this game

obsession defiled by toys dropping from the crane

my tenacity to reclaim my independence

won’t allow me to sit and suffer in silence

I’m so close to having my passion materialize

I can see, feel and taste my manifesting prize

still, life continues to throw bags of shit at me

I’d be lying to say that life’s been great in sobriety

my pink cloud turned black then filled with hail

assaulting me with baseball sized ice that fell

from dark skies forming funnel clouds that surround

me every day, each time I hid I was quickly found

and just as I contemplated giving up and surrender

Divine Intervention reached out, helping me remember

the fact that there is no other time than right now

and the rest of the universal laws that show me how

to dissolve every obstruction residing inside my mind

without the clutter, the path to happiness is easy to find

© May 19, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Justice for Jasmine

Jasmine, just, jaded the jock in her box

all Chris Christie heard was, “Jack-in-the-Box”

the elephants don’t know juniper from Jupiter

it, only, makes them forget they’re stupider

and justifiably jittery because of the re-aligning

of her juxtaposing ideologies undermining

her values, even, a joker like Chris knows

ideas pushed on you are too stupid to propose

the fat from our defense can’t carry its own weight

anyone with intelligence knows the real debate

poor Jasmine, it will (only) get worse for you

the GOP fell hard when I cursed their entire crew

I watch for Jasmine’s affect, hoping I’m not too late

her idea fell flat on its face trying to sprint out the gate

an expressive-less expression says she knew it would happen

liberals (like me) felt her pain while his party sat laughin'

let me clarify, exactly, what kind of an unkind party

I’m talking about who have shown the world wholeheartedly

the entire right side was right when they judged

her as a jackass-elephant who won’t hold a grudge

she’s not the first power-junkie to get ganked

by this group of old fucks who collectively yanked

her into their circus made up of insane clowns

but they don’t attract juggalos whenever they’re in town

like vampires, they love “new blood” so they surround

Jasmine with negativity and every one of their old parts

girl, you best watch out for dust if one of them farts

they’re private parts are conjoined like Siamese twins

strapped jocks (only) pitch and catch, public stupidity wins

the gang-bang chain is only as strong as the leakiest link

she’s nose blind to the older, moldier, elephant stink

she gets their dust in her eyes, missed them filling their trunks
they collect each others’ skeletons, they never keep junk

by the time she figured out she was their newest of tools

there wasn’t a thing she could do except follow their rules

if it was my face they jizzzed on, after jerking each other off,

I’d grab up some sharp weapons before they went soft

a machete in my left hand, a samurai sword in my right

like Jet Li, spinning nun chucks, swinging them as I fight

my machete severs the cocks off every pitcher

leaving them stuck in the ass of each catcher

the razor, sharp sword slices off every elephant’s trunk
which, in actuality, were no bigger than their junk

their skeletons, kept, spill out onto the ground

the Jiu Jitsu, I use, proves I’m not fucking around

GOP, tea party or libertarian, it's irrelevant now

they all look like elephants when being “put down”

all their secrets got service then brought to the surface

by a tree-hugging, liberal ninja with a grudge and a purpose

the majority of them claim to be good Christians

while they show prejudice that goes beyond racism

condemning women who have to make a tough decision

to terminate a pregnancy for more than one reason

hating gay people who won’t hide in closets like them
when most of them get "outed" over and over again

they’re incapable of telling the truth about most things

the biggest lie they tell is that they’re decent human beings

don’t bother trying to make sense from any of their shit

it’ll make you crazy trying to understand a hypocrite

I don’t worry about it since I castrated half of them

the other half will die off, remember they’re old men

getting rid of these narrow-minded fucks was refreshing

Jasmine asked, “What’d you do?" I replied, “Ethic Cleansing”

©April 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

A Fist for the Fascists

I can’t stand you, you fucking fascist

you’re the reason I’m making a fist

you’re the reason there is a “black list”

you, contemptible hypocrite, can kiss

my rectum, colon and the rest of my ass

I’m curious if you realize, exactly, how crass

your idiotic points of view are, just, like glass

I can see right through and break them fast

can’t wait until your ignorant, old generation

is wiped from the earth, the entire population

you’re the cause of every bit of my frustration

your cataracts won’t let you see the situation

if you want the truth, I’m tired of explaining

to all of you old fuckers who keep complaining

voting in republicans while I hear you saying,

“the government should help…” (what?) keep praying

in fact, I can’t keep on ranting and raving to you

who don’t want to hear the truth like all of us who

write about this shit and argue and debate with you

God bless us all that we’re able to make it through

until you’re time is up and sanity can be restored

in fact, fuck you all, I’m out of words and I’m bored

©March 20, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Never too Blind to See Reality

my eyesight’s getting more blurry

everyday but I don’t worry

I'm, still, able to see too many

fraudulent fakes who don't have any

love for people who have a clue

about the atrocities that they do

and every lie they will use

to keep all progress off the news

I can’t stand listening to ignorance

Forest Gump had a better chance

at comprehending economics
than any of these redneck pricks
who create problems they can't fix 

let's take them all out to the sticks

line them up along the border

while they’re gone we’ll restore order

when they try to build their wall

we’ll find replacements for them all

when they're returning to D.C.

we’ll call homeland security

ship them off to Guantanamo Bay

their own policies ensure they’ll stay

I hope that by twenty-sixteen

all the inequalities that I've seen

will be nothing more than folklore

there’ll be no reason for a class war

no more violating rights and liberties

no more troops being sent overseas

my eyesight gets worse every day

I don't need eyes in order to pray
for humanity to have more humanity
I'll fix my eyes when the truth is pretty
my whole life the truth's been ugly
and these idiots keep acting smugly
like Fox News when they tell stories
they think that killing will bring us glory
a huge storm of lies that keeps pouring
because the truth is, just, so boring
with a president who has integrity,
intelligence, resolve and dignity
it infuriates everyone who's ignorant
manipulated by the one percent
it's good their voters are dying off
we, the liberals, are smart not soft
they hate anyone who is different
claiming "Jesus" makes them do it
my eyesight might be getting worse
but the words I speak are a curse
to all of the greedy, fake haters
who will, soon, be facing their maker

©July 2014 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Mother Means Heartbreak

I know how often I told you

how much I, truly, love you

how often I said how proud I am

of what an intelligent young man

that you’re becoming

and how un-becoming

we’ve been to each other

but, son, I am your mother

I don’t expect you to understand

I never wanted to raise my hand

to you, no I never wanted to

be your mom and your dad too

I know you’re angry with me

angry at things that you don’t see

this isn’t how either of us want to be

and no matter what you think of me

no matter how much I seem to be

blaming you for many things

please believe me when I say

that I will never walk away

I will always have your back

no matter who comes to attack

I hope you know within your heart

I am not scrutinizing your part

that you were sent here to play

I forgive you every single day

I know you forgive me too

for the anger I show to you

please know none of it is true

out of the shit I say to you

because most of it belongs to

everyone else except for you

I’d trade my life for your happiness

I know I’ll never be at my best

with how my life’s become a mess

which leaves me feeling so hopeless

I’m tired of being let down

I’m sick of causing you to frown

you don’t deserve to be treated badly

you deserve a mom and dad but sadly

you’re stuck with the worst part of me

I, really, wish you could still see

the mom I used to be before

I lost everything and so much more

the best years of my life were spent

with you and your dad before he went

and I wish I could give the world to you

I wish that neither one of us knew

how fucked up most people are

tonight I wished upon a shooting star

for you to have all you’ll ever need

and all you’ll ever want without greed

the scariest thing in my life has been

not being able to know if or when

I’d ever be a good mom again

I felt so happy on that day when

you told me I was a good mom

now it seems like my life is all wrong

maybe I’ll be blessed one last time

to know all your respect is, truly, mine

even better to know I prepared you

for the fucked up shit people will do

never again will anyone hurt you

forgive me for all I put you through

I know you know I never wanted to

but want has very little to do

with what life gives us “chosen few”

just remember what we came to do

remember that we have to go through

painful lessons that we’ll hold onto

long after we’ve done all we agreed to do

my heart will forever belong to you

no matter what you do or don’t do

©February 21, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Some Assembly Required

nobody tells young women and men

what to expect when either has children

yes, we know they don’t have a user’s guide

it would’ve been nice to know about the slide

with a long, downward spiraling descent

leading to desperation that’s permanent

a noose made from years of tears and regret

the random memories we’d like to forget

most of us know we’ll never find perfection

it doesn’t correlate with the “human condition”

there is one thing that all of us are told

a love so deep it never grows old

many of us heard fragments of discontent

not taken very seriously as they came and went

fast forward to my own tiny, little bundle of joy

nurses go crazy; blonde curly hair on my boy

I heard, all the time, how fast the times goes

everyone agreed about how fast they grow

in reality within the grand scheme of all things
even good moms and dads are just human beings

what you’re told and who told you isn’t relevant

there’s nothing easy about being a good parent

© February 13, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas