Are You Serious?

Thursday, February 5, 2015

I Refuse to be a Cliche

cliché for me to say

how we hurt those

we love the most

I don’t have to try,

it seems, these days

even when I’m

making a joke it hurts

how was I supposed to know?

he always knew when

I wasn't serious before

hell, for the longest time

it was all I could do
to get him to
take me serious

when I wasn't joking

now, with all the pain

my body’s in daily

added to the stress

created by my inability
to move us forward

I've tried everything

I can think of while living
the definition of insanity

as I kept trying the same things

hoping for different results
been doing this shit too long
to expect anything
especially results that result
in my employment
within professional professions
where I work circles
around my peers and supervisors
sadder than my exile
from careers that pay well
unable to obtain, even, a
"less than minimum wage" job
all the while knowing,

deep inside, I’m out of moves

which terrifies me as a mom,

having zero control of

where he and I are headed
despite trying so hard
to change the energy
within me and, after
succeeding at that,

my boy walks in without
any conscious agenda

dismantling everything

I've worked on all day

he’s much wiser and more mature
than all the kids his own age

he's had his eyes opened wide

to see, first hand, how
fucked up people are,
even, if they’re family

but it is a very important fact
I've been trying to explain
(my attempt to ease the blow)

it was he and I against the world

but, lately, it’s been him against me

and, that, I cannot take - ever

I’m struggling to hold it together

within the circumstances

we've been in for too long

I know it’s taken a toll on him

it shouldn't be this way for us

what more do You want?
You, the one who's running the show,

haven’t I proved my loyalty?

I may have questioned things

for a moment here and there

but I have never been fool enough
to deny your existence, no,

not with all I've experienced

that would be more than ignorant

and is sure to add more
insult to my many injuries
that keep giving me hell

let alone what my psyche

does to me during shit like this

but, I have done this dance

over and over and over

enough to spin me in circles

if the goal is to get me spinning

why not help me to stop
in the opposite direction just this once?

I know, without doubt,
this isn't how it’s supposed to be
not for someone like him and me

this IS NOT MY fucking legacy

so keep all the darkness
so far away it can't see me
let alone fuck with me
its had plenty of my time
to interfere with everything
my hopes and my dreams
which (together) form my destiny

©February 5, 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Everything is not Okay

I could lie and say

that everything is okay

but I don’t lie anymore

so I’ll give you a little more

Truth, you need to hear

my son, now, lives in fear

because you don’t care

when shit hits the air

still, I will keep my word

and, to him, it’s absurd

but I keep my promises

even if you don’t honor us

when my bank’s back

and life’s fully in tact

I’ll take care of all you

who never thought I’d do

everything I set my mind to

and created despite you

and your false beliefs

that have, only, caused grief

for my son and me who

stick together like glue

it’s sad I can’t say the same

for y’all and me, it’s so lame

I’m not saying this for fame

the fact, I have to say it is lame

oh well, it is what it is

I’m no longer a kid

so, I forgive you two

and all the things you do

that show us no love

square it with God above

©February 2015 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Alito’s Doom

you’re sly

as a white lie

“conservative bastard”

is what I cry

making light

of Rowe vs. Wade

I see through you

black as a spade

it’s comprehensible

that you would pass

no checks and balances

but you’re the mass

majority so we see

democracy on its ass

no consequences

for the upper class

I’d sooner die

then embrace you

as our next justice

your tax is due

and I’m collecting

for the people

with your story

there'll be no sequel

your time will be up

then it’s time to pay

for your indulgence

I’ll have my way

for all of you

who are ignorant

Alito’s doom

is My judgment

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

The Symphony

ostentatiously it sits

in a vase on the table

next to a basket of fruit

where an equally flamboyant fig

fetches my attention

purple is my favorite color

the orchid is loud with

its vivaciousness

while the fig lays, quietly, waiting

God created these two, solo, acts

and how beautifully they perform alone

but, together they create a symphony

My left hand

I look at my left hand

I see lines of life, love and heart

it feels soft though it is strong

with the many struggles it has endured

much like a Hawaiian orchid

it has color, though it is not purple

it is still beautiful in its own right

because it has yielded to nothing

yes, it wilts and wrinkles with age

having more lines to show from it

and, as the orchid dies,

so too will my hand, body and brain

but not before they, both, bring joy

one to dazzle with just a glimpse

the others to bring forth beauty

with words typed on a page

for those who care to look upon it

Edited 2015

Board with Games

unemployed

un-enjoyed

masterminds’

master plan’s

making some noise

(no one gets destroyed,

well, maybe some toys)

who like to play games

seeking their fame

they all smell the same

go by the same names

“cocksucker, ass-kisser”

a “miss” or a “mister”

a friend or her sister

your wife’s getting blisters

from counting your money

I know you’re no dummy

don’t look at me funny

who’s running what?

is it “some what?” or “so what?”

it’s no different the loss

if you’re not the boss

expenses keep growing

without you even knowing

caught it all in a glimpse

haven’t mentioned it since

what a messenger am I

if I don’t, even, try

delivering sensitive material

to people so fragile?

but back to my plan

oh yes, back again

I need to move on

to see a new dawn

so with closure in place

I’ve cleaned out my space

to bring something new

not much left to do

©December 18, 2007—Tamara Imes-Nicholas

Edited 2015

It's No Surprise

so what do you think

about this nation of ours?

the economy stinks

but there’s money for war

the president lies

then that's nothing new

if he told you to kiss his ass

that's exactly what you'd do

some say I go too far

I bow down for no man

take your guns and your war

shove them all in a trash can

I've said it before

hell, I'll say it again

Bush can kiss my ass

I'm not a republican

they're closing women's shelters

for all the battered wives

they support outsourcing jobs

it doesn't affect their lives

so go ahead and rejoice

for Bush's victory

while more blood is spilled

don't celebrate next to me

Empty Shell

bittersweet are the whispers
shadows dancing through the night
as love is made it changes nothing
an empty shell of a woman he holds tight
adulteration contaminated everything
that used to sanctify holy matrimony
he admits to nothing nor shows compunction
though she knows everything
she wants to leave but has no means
she hungers for the ability to cry
her desire for any sort of release
from this frustration that is so immense
at times she feels as though
her heart will burst wide open
still, she can’t show anything
while placating to his satisfaction
she’s plotting a long game
giving her and her son the advantage
if, only, she would have listened to
the warning given to her
she would have been able to avoid
the horrors done to her by him
injuries of mind, body and Spirit
that the, pathological liar,
claimed were extraneous
finally, she is free to be all
that she was meant to be before
shaking hands with the devil
before a justice of the peace
and two witnesses – her father and niece
who had no idea she’d been warned
her mother told her it was her fault
that she should be a better wife
after a long and arduous
three and a half years, which
(coincidentally) was the same amount of time
she was bonded to this sociopath
all she wants now is what was taken
from her or lost trying to escape the torment
and so it goes for her son and herself
after leaving the country failed
at least this battle had ended
now she awaits her dues for the fight
that became her debt to Karma
most lessons can, only, be learned
after severe pain or consequence

Earth to Liz Claiborne

Heaven help her, she looks upset
a crowd draws near, as she screams
what have you done with it?
the onlookers stare, curious, but not concerned
my train is gone, I’ve missed my chance

**static sounds from above**

Earth to Liz Claiborne, you never had one

If she could, just, spank my monkey,

a man from the crowd cries out,
then we could pretend to be whole again

silence pounds on everyone as the girl drops dead

the man tries to breathe life into those full, fish lips
you would have been great, dancing on my glory,
he says, as he stops attempting life support,
the train missed you doll you didn’t miss a thing

disinterested now, the gathering of cretins

dissembles and moves on, going about their business
after gathering around, watching the authorities
and the ambulance arrive to take her away
the only one left, who showed any concern

the man who, apparently, owned a “monkey”
was he trying to trade up?
no one cared to ask him or help her
it’s just another day in “civilized society”

Dubya (W)

unraveling twine
in a world supine
where blood flows like wine
don’t ask me for mine

insignificant schmuck
out to make a buck
you’re having bad luck
middle class, gone, you fuck

you should feel so bad

I am very glad
to see your gonads
hit hard without pads

it’s just been so hard

to catch you on guard
now here’s your reward
“powerless” my detest regards

Divine Introspection

Candles ignited as

Oils burn aromatic oblation

Divine Introspection

Devouring my enemies

Third eye sees everything

Catch and release

but not if threatened

Squash the arachnid

Humans, dominant species

Intended to dominate

Death is predestined

Sometimes the spider bites

while you’re safe, soundly asleep

Fate is fate

Universal Laws unfold

Mathematics can’t solve

Quantum physics comes close

but, abstract thinking is required

Dynamics are immeasurable

What a cycle the Circle of Life

Never ending—interchanging

Energies unite and divide

Monday, February 2, 2015

Climbing Out

empty, hollow points

get the point?

contemplate on how

reminisce on failures

concocting solution

sum is equal to .45

keeping it simple

trapped within a web

certainty certainly comes

quickly with a bang

don’t look so amazed

you’ve been watching

enjoying the whole thing

helped to destroy me

got just what you wanted

take out all your hatred

what’s been done to you

by women you loved

I saw evilness in you

yeah, I was coherent

been giving hate to me

sending it right back

I cried with mom today

going to California now

taper off useless chemicals

feeding insanity’s monster

take a trip to freedom

find that special someone

yes, I mean, my inner-child

full of pure empowerment

beautiful, but hard to tame

none other like it, trust me

truth can’t speak any louder

reaching deep to pull it out

my critic is trying to kill it

angels watch over me closely

helping it to climb back out

©December 25, 2007—Tamara Nicholas

Don't Count Me Out

I can’t kill death

so I hold my breath

the stench is sickening

bombs are ticking

freedom from what?

your eyes are all shut

indecent indifference

start making some sense

or maybe forget

bullet proof jacket

braving the storm

chaos takes form

more enemies made

the truth seems to fade

don’t count me out

I sit and I shout

just kill everyone

let God sort them out

Campfire Song for the Republican Party

in the eye of the public

enemy of some

sit and hum, di-dee-dum

sing along to my song

you idiots thinking I’m wrong

guess again, I’m not the one

why does it always have to be

black and white

can’t it be

just us and that’s we

too much confusion in life

to see the grey through the hype

clear the smoke from the pipes

of my lungs, then the stripes

off the flag

that still snags

as it brags

to the whole world

we screwed up

I won’t shut up

it’s, way, too fucked up

most of you sit on our ass

not even smoking grass

while closet fags who suck dicks

are republican lunatics

controlling our fate

with nothing but hate

and really, old big money

corporate America, the real red army

can kiss my ass, I’m bent over by you

put up my finger to solute you

what the fuck you gonna do?

you know who I’m talking to

that’s right, good old boy, G.W.

and your pimp, the dick, Cheney too

Blow Me for a Job

if it was all about me

the shit wouldn’t be free

only give it if I love it

the rest of it’s shit

my problem is I love too much

creeps, liars, cheaters, and such

gives a girl no reason to trust

exchanged all the love for lust

makes “blow me” a job

look, I may wax your knob

but you will have to pay

taking your cash every day

no checks, no credit, no trades

cash money doesn’t fade

love gets lost in the mix

at the bottom of the dirty tricks

it’s the “wars with words” game

a game of shame and blame

it’s all shit, all the same

remember, I’m in the hall of fame

let’s quit playing with each other

start loving one another

then you can ditch the slut

who takes it up the butt

and I don’t have to feel like a whore

who doesn’t enjoy sex anymore

Alliterating Press Conference - "fork tongued liar “act MCC – Are we, really, fighting Al Qaeda?

obsessed, dressed

to impress
upon the minds
of simpletons
who are blind
to the facts
of the attack
upon the nine
and the eleven
claiming heaven
sent him to set
it straight with hate
says Al Qaeda’s
who he’s going after
with some laughter
it’s a disaster
he’s twisting truth
manipulating words
his bull shit answers
are so absurd
not even the press
who asks questions
could care less
for his alliterations
making no sense
his whole defense
“The War on Terror”
he became the furor
now I’m the stirrer
of this kettle
yeah, Heavy Metal
clapping thunder
shake this blunder
formed of liars
New World Order
within our borders
capitalist system
just look at him
look at all of them
pull out your dollar
scream and holler
secret society
don’t want to be
no part of that shit
so to hell with it
don’t start to trip
I haven’t flipped
shine too bright for this
of course I got pissed
I want it to stop
before more bodies drop

Speaking Like Arnold Horshack

if I could take a moment or two

I’d like to do what, only, I can do

here we go with the alphabet stew

from you back to me back to you

now tell me why I would bother

taking time away from my father

to dribble out this onslaught-er

“oh, oh, oh, pick me, Mr. Kotter”

yeah, that was Arnold Horshack

having some kind of attack

yes, to the point I’m coming back

you’re style’s starting to lack

no, it’s good—fucking great in fact

reminds me of me—all in tact

feeling robbed—stabbed in the back

with the punch you started to pack

shit, I’m sick of trying to rhyme

I’ll say it outright this time

hey, punk-assed bitch get your own style

no one can do what I do like I do – especially you

December (A Mirror Poem)

as the night rings cold and bitter still

the snow tastes wet and toxic

while the fire burns hot and warms the skin

the heart inside feels like ice

remembering the loss from years gone by

tears well up and run like small streams

down distraught cheeks that shake like earthquakes

outside carolers sing “Jingle Bells”

down distraught cheeks that shake like earthquakes

tears well up and run like small streams

remembering the loss from years gone by

the heart inside feels like ice

while the fire burns hot and warms the skin

the snow tastes wet and toxic

as the night rings cold and bitter still

Saturday, January 17, 2015

Cash in on Your Win

I don’t know the reasons why

you seem to pass my feelings by

I’m doing the best job I can

raising you to be a good man

I know you are working hard

trying not to drop your guard

I didn’t want you to suffer like me

so many fruits in our family tree

I tried to protect you from everything

it’s hard to watch you suffering

the fucked up things done to me

close your eyes so you don’t see

cover your ears as tight as you can

as they’re delusions surface again

I want to protect you from all of them

won't let them take my most precious gem

they’re hung up on my ugly past

just like their love, this too shall pass

I'm trying to get us out of here

while they try to keep us in fear

you’re my son and my only friend

pray every day for an amicable end

I know everything will be just fine

unless, my son, we run out of time

"you know June is coming quick"

that’s the shit that makes me sick

can’t tell you all that I’ve been shown

but I will tell you that we're on our own

this world inside my mind resembles

beautiful rainbows of fruity pebbles

it’s okay, my boy, your mom is fine

as long as I get what's truly mine

last night I dreamt of huge, crashing waves

my subconscious mind won’t behave

I gamble out of necessity

for us to be financially free

to, once again, have our own home

please son, don’t leave me all alone

I set up a trust fund for you to be

schooled at Stanford University

we can fix whatever’s broken inside

if you want to go for a very long ride

my head’s a bit foggy, my eyes too dry

an abundance of time flew right by

I should have savored every moment

the sands of time made great cement

swimming shoes, I wore, fully content

knowing your life will be better spent

your silence paired with a smug grin

tells me you’re ready to go "all in"

you know they're all bluffing again

you're not stealing or committing a sin

you're just profiting from the world you're in

it's filled with lies and bull shit attracts flies

so cash in your chips, you deserve a prize

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