Another Year’s Gone and so are You

lately, more than usual, I miss you so much

no matter what or why you always kept in touch

it, still, doesn’t matter to me how long

it’s been since you’ve been gone

none of this will ever make sense

I’m still here and away you went

not for a lack of trying on my part

I should be gone, but despite the crash cart,

Narcan and adrenaline straight into my heart

or medical professionals who happily pronounced

my death, every time I got bounced

it’s not fair sis, you were the one “they” loved

I’m the one that will never be good enough

I’m the one they blame for anything bad

the one they’ll forever point their finger at

fuck the world, fuck the ones quick to judge

fuck the past and everyone holding a grudge

I’m so exhausted trying to help everyone see

who I am today is better than who I used to be

but today is about you, sis, it’s still your birthday

you’re favorite song, “don’t worry be happy”

I know you heard me whistle it throughout the day

unfortunately, like every other time I try to stay

positive about life and hold onto every bit of hope

the harder I try, the worse it gets, so I want a rope

I know it’s somewhere close, I just let go of the end

I’m alone, nowhere to turn, because every friend

including you is long gone to a place I can’t go

I swear I’d try again tonight if I didn’t already know

it’s not up to me or anyone else who wants to leave

maybe only the good ones go, the bad get to grieve

so, again, tonight I’ll beg and plead with all of Creation

to agree this song is beyond old so, “change the station”

©August 6, 2014 – Tamara Imes-Nicholas